Our water bottle

This is a story that exemplifies the difference between American culture and Moldovan culture, especially in small villages.

If you read the previous post, you know that I was at the opening day for the sports season. I knew that I was going to wrestle, so I took with me a 2 liter bottle of water. As I approached the mass of people surrounding the wrestling mats placed in the grass, I held the bottle in my hand, near my hip. Most of the people were village folk or kids from the school. I stood on my tippy toes to watch the match between two 8 year olds (the winner gets a rooster) and a man who I’ve never met asked me for some water. Well, you can’t really say no, so I gave it to him. Undestand that most people in moldovan villages have minimum 1 gold tooth and do not have the best hygiene (oral or otherwise). As a result, I immediately decided that I was not going to drink anything more out of that bottle. A fat man asked me for water. I gave him the bottle. A skinny man asked me. I gave him the bottle. Another random person asked for water for his young son, and I gave them the bottle. They both drank. When I saw only a little remained I said they could have the rest. He gave me the empty bottle back.

This probably won’t happen in America for a couple of reasons: 1) we know that if someone has something, they probably want it, 2) it is generally impolite to refuse if someone asks and 3) it’s especially unusual to ask for something from a person with whom you haven’t met formally. As a result, most people who would go to such a gathering in America would go prepared with their own water or other things that they would need because they would feel uncomfortable asking for it. If they didn’t come prepared, they would probably just suffer through it or at the most ask someone they know for water. However, in Moldova, there are other rules in this situation: 1) if you have something you are basically obligated to share it, especially men with men (if you don’t, you’ll be considered egotistic). As a result, no one brings anything because they know if they do they probably won’t even get to eat or drink it before they give it away. So no one brings anything and everyone is thirsty.

It’s a funny outcome. It seems that sharing is good, and even the fact that being open enough to ask for something from a person with whom you haven’t met formally is also good. The fundamental problem is the assumption that you MUST give something if you have it. If that assumption didn’t exist and I could say “no, I need this water” then the outcome might be different. But instead you end up with a lot of thirsty people and no water.

I think that any social interaction which ends up one party having to refuze, even politly, are avoided. In our culture there is a built in shame in asking for things that aren’t ours, and as a result we avoid interactions that could end in someone saying “no, this is my water”. However, in Moldova, there is no problem with you asking me for my water, in which case I end up having to avoid the situation of refuzal. The only way out is to accept and give you my water.

Final thought – humans are weird and impossible to know without living with them.